PICK THAT PHONE,CALL THAT FRIEND.

“Pick up the phone and call that friend. That friend who you used to hang out with all the time. That friend who you chased your crushes with. That friend who you got drunk on weekends with. That friend who was the reason your mom thought you were on drugs. That friend who was the reason why your family thought you would become homeless one day. That friend who knew all your dirtiest secrets, probably because they were inexplicably involved.

That friend whose house was the first place people would check if you were not to be found. That friend who was the reason your grades slipped. That friend who was the reason you learned what life is. That friend who was the reason you smile when you think of your childhood. That friend who was responsible for your bad reputation and your bad decisions.

That friend who was the reason why your dad had to spend more on car repairs than the car cost. That friend who could instantly change your mood when they entered the room. That friend who your exes hated. The friend who was the reason your exes became your exes. That friend who changed your perspective on life.

That friend who you left behind in the neighborhood you grew up in. That friend who you stopped keeping in touch with because you were too busy “making it.” That friend who you were embarrassed to talk to because you felt like you weren’t where you were supposed to be in life. That friend who you feared would judge you because you thought they were more successful than you.

Just pick up the phone and call that friend. Because the chances are they don’t care about any of it. Chances are they need someone to talk to and are scared of the same things as you. Chances are your call is what you both need right now. Because nothing in life matters as much as your relationships.

If there’s a time portal in life, it’s that moment you pick up the phone to talk to your friend. Because it takes you back to the time when everything was different. When everything felt great even though it wasn’t. Chances are that the cure for everything wrong going on right now is to step into a time capsule and go back in time to when things were good.

So pick up that phone and call that friend because it’s the best time capsule we have got”

Aidenation

~ Kaush Sadashiv

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LIFE AFTER GRADUATION

The reality that awaits every campus student once they have graduated may startle many recent graduates. The moment you take of that gown and exit campus premises, then you’ve begun living a completely different life. The truth is that change is bound to happen. Brace up

So, many Kenyans have completed their final year exam and if the activities around the hostels is anything to go by many are heading back home. A lot will happen in this period as they wait for their results. Those who cohabited in campus in the name of love will soon realize out here people don’t eat emotions but it’s all blood, sweat and tears that keep you going. Most young boys will be heartbroken as the ladies they hoped to spend life after campus with will instead opt for men who can shoulder them from the ravages of life after campus. That love that was defined by sending each other millions of whatsapp messages or holding each other hands as you go to order chapo beans in the cafeteria has just met it’s death bed.
Some ladies will get pregnant due to misusing the freedom that comes with being free from coursework’s and all that school work- if only their parents knew they were schooling them to get pregnant after 3 years they would have thought it wise.
Life is going to be rough and tough for those who never prepared themselves for life after campus –ladies your sugar daddy won’t be able to park his V8 at your parent’s gate, so he will instead look for a replacement in the hostel you were in.
And for kids who wasted 3 years updating their brains with new movies, new music videos – this will be your moment of truth.
For those who thought being in campus meant high paying jobs, you will graduate wait for that a million per month job and nothing will come through- and soon you will wish to be an intern anywhere even where the only pay is a company t-shirt.
You resilience will be tested , this is the time when only those who don’t break live to enjoy- ladies you will spend weekends and not get any text from a man calling you for drinks, you will forget about the concerts – your weave, yes your weave, let me not talk about how long it will survive on your head
The humble ones, those who use this time to do something better with their lives – do anything, help your parents in the farm instead of sitting the whole day on whatsapp reminiscing about campus days – those days are no more.
I am sitting in a taxi full of students going home, their face don’t seem to be happy- they know what awaits them. It’s life… very hard and tough life, a life without parents pocket money but I hope in time they will cope and become better people.
I know some will just end up as Facebook and WhatsApp group admins after 3 years of doing a course in computer science… others will end up setting up pages like Friends for keep after 3 years of studying political science. And as campus closes one thing I am sure is with ladies is, we are going to see more salons and boutiques in town. We welcome you to this part of the world where life can be more nasty than those blocked hostel sinks you woke up to many days in your 3 years at campus.

@Aidenation

My father’s son

Having a brother is so many emotions bundled into one―he reminds you of all your childhood memories … he was right there making them happen with you. You remember the bullying that happened (doesn’t matter if he was older or young―you know it happened).

There were the cycle lessons that had you falling down over and over again, and the threats that ensued after to keep it hush. There were the fights that happened on the slightest provocation. There were the planned raiding-the-kitchen-for-treats while your parents were busy elsewhere … and there were so many other things.

Then there is this other side of your big brother.

So Big bro will woo the village Belle,plans would be made,since we shared the isimba, as the young one i was required to clean the isimba ‘thoroughly’, replace the newspapers stuck on the wall with new ones, Make sure the bed was strong enough to accommodate two’ limara was there to be sprayed too…
I did this because there was a token(This was the soda that would remain ofcourse with some biscuits ) …
My work wasn’t over yet, D-day I would be very vigilant,as my bro went to pick his belle I was left around to check on papa. Papa was then a harsh one…
3PM was always the time for bro to sneak around with his belle Yeah sneak because the main gate was a No! No mzae hizo time alikuaga hapo na gazeti,so we had our way in through the fence.
So this day am there waiting,two big sodas on the table with 5 biscuits(smiling juu hizo bika na soda zitabaki ni zangu)
They manage to enter the isimba ..Mama spots them but pretends she has seen nothing(😂)
My work is complete up to that point ….
Whether my brother atapewa ama anyimwe Hio ni shida yake😂But at times curiosity would send me to the back window niskize tu.

Shida ni dem wengine walikua wanakula biscuit yote nakosa malipo … But I would understand they needed the energy

Brother brother ..History shall never forget

Of sugarcane plantantations

Mumias sugar company is shut down indefinitely”
Read the headlines …

My mind then quickly flashbacked to the corruption deal I was involved in …
You see where I come from sugarcane plantations surrounded our homestead until mumias company started going down.The ‘old boy” had no choice but uproot all the sugarcane and replace with trees and maize….
So whats the corruption deal was i involved in?

Way back when I was in class six there is this shortcut I would take to school and it cut through a sugarcane plantation …I loved the route not because it was short but because on the other end was a homestead with beautiful girl I was eying since class three😂(story of another day)

This particular day in the evening am on my way home of course through my usual route,the sugarcane plantation…Mid way I hear some ruffles in the sugarcane,my mind tells me that must be a ‘lisimba’ a mangoose …Then I hear some sounds, my curiosity grows, I listen keenly!😂😂 That could not be a mangoose

My curious mind tells me to check out ..Maybe this are the guys who are reducing my fathers canes on the farm….stealthily I walk on making sure the dry leaves wouldn’t betray me!

My friends my clansmen,my sisters my brothers, in front of me on the ground was a man coiled on a woman like a Python on a goat These guys were mating…I screamed…I can’t remember what I shouted ..They turned …I knew them,the man a quite respected guy in the village, the woman, who apparently was someone else’s wife had now covered her face
I sprinted off, I just ran all the way hadi home …I don’t knw why I even ran off!😂😂

Afew hours later am called at the gate by some guy,guess who I see 😂Our coilman …The guy looks worried,He proposes a deal nisiambie mtu then niwe naendea mandazi kwa duka flani kila siku, My friends hio deal iliweza….So from class six up to 8 I ate two mandazis everyday courtesy of my papas well cultivated land call it a bed of roses….

By the way juzi I met the guy in town,he was with another belle! This time not heading to the sugarcane plantations….He saw me shook my hand,gave me five hundred shillings,and introduced me to the lady beside him as a “long time business partner”
He called me a business partner guys..😂😂😂

#Revivemumiassugarcompany

WE NEED TO SEE HEAVEN 😅

Dear ladies, if you happen to have the numbers of your boyfriend’s male pals on your phone; please note that those are not numbers to joke with.

They are even more risky than your in law’snumbers. You should only call such numberswhen:

(1).Your boyfriend has directly asked you to do so
at THAT PARTICULAR TIME.
(2).Your boyfriend is being beaten by persons
exceeding 3 people and you are afraid to risk your aesthetics rescuing him
(3).Your boyfriend is sick/injured/arrested and u need rapid assistance
It has come to our attention that ladies nowadays greatly misuse this privilege of having their boyfriend’s pal’s numbers And so allow me to remind you that you are not permitted to do the following with those numbers
(1). Never call any of your boyfriends male pals carelessly saying “ nilikuwa nakusalimia tu”. If u want to know how your boyfriends pal is doing, channel those concerns through your boyfriend.
Sugarcoat it even like “na beshte yako paul
amepotea sikuizi bado akona zila mashida
zake?”. Remember that those harmless calls from you to your boyfriend’s pal is what necessitates niggas to copulate with their friends girlfriend
(2).And to me this is the most important one.
DON’T CALL your boyfriend’s pals at 10.00PM in the night..or any other time asking questions like
“Paul ako hapo?” or “jana chali yangu alikuwa kwako?”. PLEASE DON’T!!. We are tired of lying.
If your boyfriend told you that he is at my place, then he is at my place whether he really is at my place or not. It’s that simple.
Don’t call to ask us such things unless he has been missing for 48 hours….if in Nairobi then
don’t call his friends unless he has been missing for 72hours. If you are extremely concerned then by all means do alert the police under “missing
persons”. We are tired of lying as it might deny us a chance of going to heaven.

One day I lied “yeah yuko hapa”..then my friends girlfriend started “na mbona simu yake iko mteja, ebu mpatie hii simu yako niongee nayeye”..i had to switch off my phone immediately coz that guy was not at my place. We don’t want such stress
from our friends’s relationships to spill into ourcomforts. Please don’t call us!!

Of Cleavages and BUTT-CRACKS

First things first, I would like to thank all the women for successfully phasing out the use of “KAMISI” in the modern era. It had no role as at the 20thcentury.

I also relay similar sentiments towardsthe use of bikers being worn in unison with miniskirts. It is a very contradictory combination that as you want people to adore your thighs,you still laminate them with bikers. It highlights that you are a highly confused lady.

Having appreciated the grounds u have made towards eliminating redundant attires that used to reside within your pelvic areas, I would also
wish to caution excessive use of this freedom.

The rate at which women are displaying their BUTT-CRACKS is very alarming. Today morning alone I saw exposed sections of the rear-end of
three different women. If your jeans has a habit of conceding to gravity (sagging) without your consent hence revealing the equator /border that
separates your left and right posterior segments, please apprehend/restrict that jeans with a belt.

If the belts are weak, then hoist the jeans using a suspender. Women cannot just walk in the streets
aerating the artic sections of their asses and think it is very okay. Please note that cleavages are only alluring when it is restricted to the breasts.

I do not think we are ready to be introduced to cleavage of the buttocks

PLACE OF A FRIEND 

We all have friends,people we trust and consult in whichever step in life we make. People we talk to before we change careers, people we listen even if we haven’t asked to their opinions on whom weare dating.But in this bond there are lines that should never be crossed.And that is the line of opinion on whom a friend decides to settle with.

I believe by the time one of your friends who is either your age mate or older than you decides to settle with a someone, they have thought and decided this is their choice.And as a good friend once the choice is made you have no option but to respect that.

You then stand by your friend in all times. She may have chosen a lame guy but  thats her choice, he may have chosen a girl who walks backwards but that’s their choice.

 Belittling a friends choice of a partner is just so wrong.There are those who will attend even the wedding just so as to continue talking shit.But the irony of it all is that the masters of such talk are always single,desperate with no hope of settling down.They find happiness in everyone being like the 

Your friends spouse maybe a prostitute, a thief, a low life according to you but maybe thats not how it’s is in your friends eyes

Cut them some slack and go start a relationship